1. LOVE.
I was scared... but now I am thrilled! My bangs rock! And my stylist made it all seem SO easy. I'm basically the Jane Birkin of 2014! SELFIE TIME!

2. DENIAL.
They're not even really that short. Plus if I just part them my normal way and brush them to the sides, they just look like face-framing layers.

3. REGRET.
I feel like I'm wearing a wig. Why the F would my stylist think this is ok?? My vision is obstructed. I'm bumping into things. WHY DID I EVER GET BANGS!??!?

4. ENVY.
That girl on the subway–that one over there WITHOUT bangs–is so pretty. In fact, everyone without bangs is just completely gorgeous. And all their lives are so beautiful and carefree. I wish I were any of them.

5. DEPRESSION.
If only I didn't have bangs, my life would be great again.

6. EXTREMISM.
There is only one option: I am going back to the salon to get them cut shorter!

7. ACCEPTANCE.
They'll grow out (eventually), leaving me one option for the now: channel that je ne sais quoi of fellow banged ladies (that's you Lou Doillon, Alexa Chung and most recently Cat McNeil) and have a good time with this wild new look.